Admit it- you are mad at your engineering school for not giving you enough of information to face the big bad world. It has been a case of pushing a soldier into a battlefield full of vicious Mongols without, say, an armour; which is to say, you are done for in pretty much, any way you look at it. However excited you were to attend the school at the start, knowing you will learn a thing or two about the ins and outs of appliances and materials all around you, sadly most engineering schools have their focus on useless learning, without a thought given to develop actual engineering instinct. So you see, I understand the hapless situation of the engineering lot with all sincerity because of the above and also because the years you have spent may have been better utilized by intuitive and interactive learning; with an added bonus of a better female to male ratio, as an icing on the cake!
Engineering is the discipline, art and profession of acquiring and applying technical, scientific and mathematical knowledge to design and implement materials, structures, machines, devices, systems, and processes that safely realize a desired objective or inventions. Oh give me a break, Wikipedia, will you?! 1) How to fix a bloody mobile phone
Mechanics, engineering drawing and systems are all well but which is the best engineering device that comes to mind that is useful to the point of us being called slaves to it? Undoubtedly, the mobile phone. How many of you electronics majors can claim to pinpoint the actual problem in the mobile circuit system when the touch screen is sloppy, when the phone won’t charge and the battery is alright and when the mobile phone keeps restarting even though everything else seems ok? Or can claim to fix broken things in general? For your information, not many.
It is pretty sad, actually. Those who claim to milk the shit out of the working of diodes and semiconductors and capacitors shrug their shoulders in despair when faced with the daunting task of opening the phone and repairing it. For them, it is always ‘hey, take the phone to the phone repairer’ and that is that. Well, it is not surprising, at least. Engineering schools do not teach them that and their focus is on feedback loops, signals and their gazillion transformations, Kirchoff’s law and their application to pretty circuit loops and a dozen other things much better understood in an abstract manner and out-of the-box thinking approach than mathematics, impossible assignment deadlines and course cramming. To top it all, relatives of engineers are all like, ” Hey, didn’t you use to work at a top mobile company (equipment vendors, they mean, like Ericsson, etc.)? Well, my mobile is broken- it won’t charge!” Taking the mobile into your hands, engineers try to make it seem they are studying the problem. They quickly observe the usb pin is all loose and awry and suggest them to get that fixed. That is when disaster strikes and the relatives blurts out, “Well, can’t YOU fix it? I heard you went to a good engineering school!”
Attention all the non-engineers! What you are looking for is a repairer or technician- not us engineers! Understand this. The job of engineer is to design, mostly with a team, and overcome problems encountered over a period of time. They don’t just open a machine and repair the shit out of it. You have to give them credit for being the most misunderstood (as regards their responsibility) professionals! It is like asking a doctor to stitch each and everything inside a human body, if broken.2) How to start a broken car
If at all, engineers need more salt to their wounds, it is people around them asking to get down and dirty and pull screws on a broken car which by chance you also happen to be traveling in and their conviction that you being an engineer, can magically mend the sorry car or bike just by doing so. They do not understand that broken means broken and you need to have all equipments and quite a lot of experience in identifying the source of problem and attacking it, for a thing as complex as the car. It is a part of their dreamworld in which four years at engineering school equates to post-mortem of cars and bikes by the potential engineers. When you say sorry and excuse yourselves from the predicament and possibility of embarrassing yourselves in acting the mechanic, all you face are dirty smirks which seem to be saying, “I knew it. You know nothing of engineering!” For non-engineering folks, it is a favorite pastime to belittle engineers by putting them up against all kinds of insults because mainly, they were not smart enough to get through to a decent college. Still, one wishes, somewhere, the numerous labs which were housed in our schools and which we never visited even once during our course, housed an engine, spark plugs, batteries, and car parts and an experienced lab attendant taught us the nitty-gritty of car working, preferably, with a speech like,” This is all you are going to need to assert yourself as a proper engineer!” with lots of hoots, claps and whistles by the enchanted engineers-to-be!
3) How to save money on TV repair by doing it yourself
For even engineers, the television with scores of tubes, valves and scopes is a scary proposition to attempt to repair. There are a thousand things that could go wrong and the engineers are as lost as a layman when the box is opened and they stare face to face at a mini-city like circuit housed in the casing looking at them with vindictive pleasure inviting them to fudge one more thing and face the wrath of the TV owners. All engineers would be familiar with is the basics of TV reception and how the Cathode ray tube works in projecting an image on the screen. Again TV repair is an art that people perfect over a course of time with experience gained by repairing a wide range of televisions and remembering how an earlier problem was solved with another set. Well, it is news for the non-engineers that there is not enough time to do so at the engineering school. Engineers are pretty much stumped already with understanding the functioning of diode-valves and semiconductors as it is than also to be able to repair such monsters at the call of the neighboring aunt whose naughty kid took revenge for refusal for a snack on the television!
4) How to attract girls inspite of being intelligent
I am discussing this item only for the male engineers. Female engineers are pretty much set the way they are because face it, men are desperate. So when our poor intelligent male engineer is in need of some action, his experience falls woefully short because the girls he wants are stupid and cannot understand the deep introspective intelligent conversations our dude is accustomed to making and listening to. Also our dude is pretty reserved and easily annoyed when the bimbo talks of make-up and high heels and implants! In this fight of attractiveness and stupidity, it is the stupidity that tends to dominate and the engineer dude already faced with pretty steep options to go out is depleted of any chance he possibly might have.
The school did not help the engineers in this matter. Amongst all the talks of wisdom, intense research and grey cell improvement; what is lost is an equal attention to the basic instinct of a human which is linked to mental and physical well-being of the human apart from ensuring a progeny who would carry on the unfinished engineering tasks of the father engineer. As such, engineers are all on their own in gathering the knowledge not to seem awkward and nerdy when wooing a girl of their dreams. Hence they more than 9 times out of them tend to make a fool of themselves.
I am sure there are more things. One can go on and on. But you get the point!